He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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Someone stole a lamp last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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