He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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