my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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