shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i love accidental penises.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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