she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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