I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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