I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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