I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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