Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we're making bets on your personal life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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