I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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