I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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