I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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