me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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