i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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