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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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