I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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