Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize