I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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