so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
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dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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