Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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