why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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