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did you get engaged???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
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