My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize