woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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