There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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