How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize