Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize