my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize