saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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