A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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