Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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