You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize