I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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