He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize