His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize