When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
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Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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