bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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