so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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