Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize