i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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