He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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