you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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