Tell her she can't have a vagina
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize