Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize