yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Four minutes until I can fart!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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