They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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