she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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