I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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