sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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