I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize